The Loss of the Art of Dialogue

We have lost the ability to communicate with one another in public and private in a meaningful way. We don’t really talk to one another much at all anymore – we talk at each other, often in the non-verbal, cryptic digital-speak of cell phones, tablets and small personal laptops used in social media.

Such practice seems to have allowed us to speak in deprecating terms of other people (‘dissing”) as easily as blowing one’s nose – because it is all so impersonal. Labels such as “bitch, ‘hoe’” and other distasteful and profane epitaphs, once heard only in a rare heated argument now are common place and have entered everyday vernacular.

It goes without saying that civility in our politics has lost its way too. Our political discourse is now marked by a scorched earth, winner-take-all mentality. We can no longer disagree without disrespecting or even destroying divergent thought. Just this week the president was in the Rose Garden announcing a major policy change on immigration. He had barely begun to make his statement when a reporter rudely interrupted him, evidently intent on preventing the president from finishing his remarks.

Whether you agree with Mr. Obama’s politics or not is not the point. The reporter had an obligation, based on common courtesy, to let the president finish his statement before getting his hand up for questions from the press pool. And that is only if the president was willing to take questions. Recall also the State of the Union address when the president was heckled by Rep. Joe Wilson. There is no excuse for this behavior, yet it is rampant in common culture, and thus it is permitted.

Obligation, I say? Absolutely; civil people listen to what others say first, and when appropriate or invited they respond. This is called interpersonal dialogue. My contention is the digital age takes away this dimension. Social media promotes talking at people and cultural-political topics but it never permits the in-depth emotional tie-in that an old fashioned personal conversation holds. We text people as much as we actually call them, and this is lamentable situation.

Civility and expressions of courtesy work hand in hand. How often have you heard the response “no problem” (NP in text-speak) to your “thank you” in stores and restaurants. What happened to “you are welcome?” You were not intentionally making a “problem” for the employee by patronizing the business. You were expressing appreciation for good service. “No problem” is irrelevant and does not communicate a proper response, yet I hear it all the time.

This might seem a specious argument to some but it does bother me. I fear that we are also being increasingly non-verbal in our personal lives. The saddest scenario that I can think of is an image of two people sitting on a sofa next to each other texting one another. It seems ludicrous to think of something like that but it happens all the time. It’s no wonder why relationships founder so frequently – we just don’t take the time out to talk to each other anymore, and when we do it’s often ugly, rude and impersonal. What do you think?